Sarah – Part 1
Sarah’s heart was throbbing; it was kind of a relief to know that exams were over. No more schooling, no more term exams, no more competition to weigh her down. But deep down she felt the pain, she knew she had tried hard, but everything was of no avail. The last few months had spelled nothing less than disaster, agony and grief. She had so many expectations, dreams, goals to achieve, but now she felt very empty. The feeling was awkward!
She felt as if the world was falling apart. The only relief was that exams were over “at least I haven’t got to worry about the results for 3 months or so …” Sarah thought with a deep sigh of relief. Although she feared Allah swt, Islam for her wasn’t anything more than her parent’s religion. She used to listen to short lectures during ramadhan at sahr time, she found great relief in them, but still she was far away from believing that Allah swt could change the course of her life. She was someone who believed that hard work would earn her everything she desired in life, but she was wrong; it takes something more than that she thought.
Sarah felt hopeless at times, what could I possibly do with my life? What do I possibly want to be? These questions always lingered in young Sarah’s mind. She had a great ambition, but now everything looked bleak. From her young days Sarah used to be a fighter, a hard worker. She was smart and intelligent. But what life threw at her at this stage of her life, was something she never anticipated, so she was back in block 1, pondering over what could help her regain what she had lost after all that hard work.
She enrolled for a course at a local institute; she was determined to fight back. Make something out of her life. She toiled very hard and came out with flying colours, she was overjoyed. But she knew the reality; the results of the all important exam in the country would have a great impact on her. Many people had a lot of hope in her. She knew it, this made things even harder. She wept alone for hours at times, but nothing would bring back her lost fame, it was painful, very painful.
Her dad’s book shelf had a good collection of Islamic books, although she had won a book or two as prizes in school, she never wanted to read them , unless of course at times, when she was reminded about god by her parents. Sarah’s fingers ran through some books in the shelf, she started reading them. She found great peace and solace in them. She made reading them her hobby; she used to read them whenever she was free or traveling.
Finally the results came; she never wanted to go to school to check them out. She could remember the day when her previous main board exam results were released. She got through with flying colours, it was a pain to even think that she didn’t do well, let alone the results. Her mum finally announced her results silently to her, she felt devastated. Although they were quite good, and would assure her university entrance, she still knew that it was far behind what she had actually aimed for. She wanted to forget everything, but it’s never that easy to forget the things we want to forget, they kind of linger more in our minds.
During this period of time Sarah and her mum took part in some thafseer classes held only for ladies on Saturdays. Sarah enjoyed them because deep down she felt the love for someone who deeply cared about her blooming. This someone unlike others loved her only for the good she did or tried to do, not for what she had achieved or failed to achieve in life.
