When u saw the man of your dreams
Smile and look at you intensely
Your heart skipped a beat
And u felt unable to breath
He asked for your number
And u mumbled as u wrote it down
As time flew past
Like scenes from a film
Lessons and studies forgotten
As u bunked of to meet with him
In a parkWith another girl
He saw u and tried to come to u
But u didn’t want to know
So u outpaced him
As well as many texts
With explanations
That she’s nothing and you’re the only one
AndSwallowed your pride
Although he’s taking u for a ride
U know it deep down
But u frown And ignore your better judgment
By giving him another chance
But he will dance Around u again and again
Coz once a player always a player
Until his ideas and viewpoint to life change
And he stops acting deranged
Where fornication and impropriety Are the norm
The more women u have on the go
The more u are ratedBy those who are sedated
On freedom and living life to the max
Wasting their youth, time and money
And think those who follow religion are sad and funny
Date him and let love do the rest
But he won’t change yet
Coz he thinks he’s young, free and single
And able to pull and mingle With as many women as possible
You’re just a small part of his life
Not yet his wife
So why should he stay faithful
Truthful And follow Victorian and religious values
But u didn’t listen
And u miss him
And think the worst
Especially when his phone rings
And texts start coming
And he singsA lie of a story to u
And tells u how much he loves u truly
And that the others mean nothing
Swears by Allah
The emotion known as love subsides
And u realise
That u were wrong to think
U see thorough his web of deceit
Lovely words without meaning
And finally see what a filthy creature he is
And opening your eyes and
Removing the spell To see things clearly
That he only loves his desires dearly
And if u follow his ways
Satan might as well be your lord and guide
And companion on the last day
I thought it was most appropriate to post this in my blog. I received this as an email from an Islamic Group. In a promiscuous society such as the one we are living in young people fall into this circumspectly planned trap of shaytan in the name of “Love”. They say “Love is Blind”, its not only blind but it also destroys the Individuals engaged in it. It’s a killer which destroys a person bit by bit.Love in itself is a blessing, only when it’s channeled through the wrong means does it spell disaster. Love sustains the human soul, it gives hope to the oppressed, it’s the life blood of successful relationships, creates harmony between rivals and above all the love for ones creator helps one conquer both worlds.
But “Love” like any other emotion can be used in a haram way, which can by itself lead to the destruction of families and societies as a whole. Young people believe that having a relationship before marriage leads to a successful marital life. Why isn’t this true? At the outset this argument seems to be true, what nullifies its validity?
I quote the following in this regard,
Studies have shown that most of the marriages that are based on prior love between a man and woman fail, whereas most marriages that are not based on haraam relationships, which people call “traditional marriages”, succeed.
In a field study done by a French sociologist, the conclusion was:
Marriage is more likely to succeed when the two parties did not fall in love before marriage. In another study of 1500 families, undertaken by Professor Isma’eel ‘Abd al-Baari, the conclusion was that more than 75% of love marriages ended in divorce, whilst the rate among traditional marriages – those which were not based on prior love – was less than 5%.
We can mention the most important causes of this outcome:
- Emotion blinds one to seeing faults and dealing with them, as it is said: “Love is blind”. One or both parties may have faults that make them unsuitable for the other, but those faults only become apparent after marriage.
- The lovers may think that life is an unending journey of love, so we see that they only speak of love and dreams, etc. They never speak about the problems of life and how to deal with them. This notion is destroyed after marriage, when they are confronted with the problems and responsibilities of life.
- The lovers are not used to debate and discussion; rather they are used to sacrifice and compromise in order to please the other party. Often they have arguments because each party wants to compromise and please the other. Then the opposite happens after marriage, and their arguments lead to a problem, as each one is used to the other agreeing with him or her, without any argument.
- The image that each lover has of the other is not a true image, because each party is being kind and gentle and trying to please the other. This is the image that each is trying to present to the other during the so-called “love” phase, but no one can carry on doing that throughout his or her life, so the true image appears after marriage, and leads to problems.
- The period of love is usually based on dreams and exaggerations that do not correspond with the reality that appears after marriage. The lover may think that he is going to bring her a piece of the moon, and he will never be happy unless she is the happiest person in the world, and so on.
But in return, she is going to live with him in one room and on the ground, and she has no requests or demands so long as she has won him, and that is sufficient for her. As one of them said, “A small nest is sufficient for us” and “A small morsel is sufficient for us” and “I will be content if you give me a piece of cheese and an olive”! This is exaggerated emotional talk, and both parties quickly forget it after marriage, and the woman complains about her husband’s miserliness, and his failure to meet her needs. Then the husband begins to complain about having too many demands and too many expenses.
For these reasons and others, we are not surprised when each party says after marriage that they were deceived and that they rushed into it. The man regrets not marrying so and so who was suggested to him by his parents and the woman regrets not marrying so and so whom her parents approved of, but in fact they rejected him because of her wishes. So the result is this very high rate of divorce for marriages which people thought would be examples of the happiest marriages in the world!
The reasons mentioned above are real, and have happened in real life, but we should not ignore the real reason for the failure of these marriages, which are based on disobedience to Allaah. Islam can never approve of these sinful relationships, even if the aim is marriage. Therefore they cannot escape the just divine punishment, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“But whosoever turns away from My Reminder (i.e. neither believes in this Qur’aan nor acts on its teachings) verily, for him is a life of hardship”
[Ta-Ha 20:124]
A hard and difficult life is the result of disobeying Allaah and turning away from His Revelation.
And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And if the people of the towns had believed and had the Taqwa (piety), certainly, We should have opened for them blessings from the heaven and the earth”
[al-A’raaf 7:96]
Blessings from Allaah are a reward for faith and piety, but if there is no faith or piety, or only a little thereof, the blessing will be reduced or even non-existent.
And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)”
[al-Nahl 16:97]
A good life is the fruit of faith and righteous deeds.
Allaah indeed spoke the truth when He said (interpretation of the meaning):
“Is it then he who laid the foundation of his building on piety to Allaah and His Good Pleasure better, or he who laid the foundation of his building on the brink of an undetermined precipice ready to crumble down, so that it crumbled to pieces with him into the fire of Hell. And Allaah guides not the people who are the Zaalimoon (wrongdoers)”
[al-Tawbah 9:109]
The one whose marriage is based on this haraam foundation must hasten to repent and seek forgiveness and seek a righteous life that is based on faith, piety and righteous deeds.
Is love before marriage better? Another perspective.
The issue of this marriage depends on the ruling on what came before it. If the love between the two parties did not transgress the limits set by Allah or make them commit sin, then there is the hope that the marriage which results from this love will be more stable, because it came about as the result of the fact that each of them wanted to marry the other.
If a man feels some attraction towards a woman whom it is permissible for him to marry her, and vice versa, there is no answer to the problem except marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624)
Al-Sindi said, as noted in Haamish Sunan Ibn Maajah:
The phrase “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage” may be understood to refer to two or to more than two. What this means is that if there is love between two people, that love cannot be increased or made to last longer by anything like marriage. If there is marriage as well as that love, that love will increase and grow stronger every day.”
But if that marriage comes about as a result of an illicit love relationship, such as when they meet and are alone together and kiss one another, and other haraam actions, then it will never be stable, because they committed actions that go against sharee’ah and because they have built their lives on things that will have the effect of reducing blessings and support from Allaah, for sin is a major factor in reducing blessings, even though some people think, because of the Shaytaan’s whispers, that falling in love and doing haraam deeds makes marriage stronger.
Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other. The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him. And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her.
So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later.
The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their relationship to deteriorate. Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an illicit premarital relationship, it will most likely be unstable and will not be successful.
With regard to arranged marriages where the family chooses the partner, they are not all good and not all bad. If the family makes a good choice and the woman is religious and beautiful, and the husband likes her and wants to marry her, then there is the hope that their marriage will be stable and successful. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) urged the one who wants to get married to look at the woman. It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1087; classed as hasan by al-Nasaa’i, 3235)
But if the family makes a bad choice, or they make a good choice but the husband does not agree with it, then this marriage is most likely doomed to failure and instability, because the marriage that is based on lack of interest usually is not stable.
And Allaah knows best.
So dear brothers and sisters fear Allah and be not a prey of the plotting shaytan. With a media that constantly bombard us with this utter filth it is of course very difficult to stick to the shariah, but Insha Allah we will try our utmost best, then the one above the seven skies will reward us for our sincerity. Of All the types of love in this world the love of Allah subhantalah and your mother are the greatest. No soul can ever offer you such unconditional love as your mother. As I conclude I leave you all with this beautiful dua.
"O Allah, make my love for You the most beloved thing to me, and my fear for You the most fearful thing to me, and remove from me all worldly needs and wants by instilling a passion for meeting You, and when You have given the people of the world the pleasures of their world, make the coolness of my eyes (pleasure) in worshipping You." Ameen
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