~Marital Advice~

Umamah Bint al-Harith at-Tghlibiyyah was among the esteemed ladies in Arabia. She had some renowned and wise ethics and advice. When her daughter, Iyas Bint Awf, got married to the King of Kindah, al-Harith Ibn Arnru', and was ready to go to her new life, she gave her some valuable advice.

Umamah Bint al-Harith told her daughter: "Oh my daughter, if one ignores advice because of one's moral values or noble descent I will not bother to advise you, but it is a reminder for the rational and a warning to a negligent. oh daughter, if a woman could dispense with a husband because of her father's wealth, I would be the richest of all people, but we were created for men as they were created for us. Oh daughter, you are now going to leave the house in which you were brought up and move to a new nest which you do not know and a husband you are not familiar with. Your husband has control over you now, so you should be to him like a slave girl and he will become your slave. You should bear in mind ten characteristics and your husband will be yours forever.

First and second: Companionship with satisfaction and obedience, because there is happiness of the heart in contentment and pleasure of the Lord.

Third and fourth: never do anything which annoys him and always put on a nice scent for him. You should know my daughter that Kuhl (antimony powder used both as decoration and a medicine for the eyes) is the most excellent beauty that exists and that water is the best thing for purity. 

Fifth and sixth: never ignore his hunger and spoil his sleep. 

Seventh and eighth: Looking after his house, money and children.

Ninth and tenth: never disclose his secrets nor disobey his orders, because if you disclose his secrets you will be unable to regain his trust and if you disobey him you will arouse his anger. More than that, never show delight at his misery, nor sadness at his joy, because the former shows lack of consideration for your husband and the latter disrespect.

And the more you respect him the more he will be kind to you, and the more you agree with him the longer he will remain with you. You should know my daughter that you will not be able to do that unless you prefer his pleasure to yours and his desires to yours in what you love and hate. I ask Allah to guide you and grant you happiness. And Allah be with you.